everything’s just lovely August 14, 2008

this one photo can pretty much sum up the last month for me. i don’t know that i’ve ever looked so happy or felt so happy

all is good at work…i got promoted and though it means working stupid hours, it also means making stupid money. not gonna argue with that!

school starts in a few weeks. i’m taking drawing I and digital publishing. i’m a bit nervous about the drawing part, but when i was younger i was pretty handy with a pencil, so i’m hoping i fall right back into it. i’m also hoping to get a bit more practice with my indesign and illustrator skills.

here are a few more of my favorite photos and favorite moments from the past month

me and my boy

april and i

my margot dog thinks he’s HER boyfriend.

i just love these paws and hands <3

i also got a new tattoo. i’ll post a picture of it another time. though i must say that after having shingles, tattoo pain ain’t got SHIT on me!

please pay no attention to how weird my boobs look, k thanks.

getting better everyday July 11, 2008

so three weeks later, this is where i’m at. most of the blisters have healed…just waiting on that one pesky patch that’s been the root of all things evil in my life the past month. that’s pretty much the only part on my skin that hurts now, and it’s the thing that’s still keeping me from wearing a bra. oh darn. i’m hoping it’s only a matter of days before that part is nice and healed. all of the other pink patches you see are scars, but i’m sure even those will fade fast. i have my good days and my bad days with the nerve pain. sometimes it’ll feel like needles in my back, but most of the time it’s a deep, dull pain that catches me so off guard that it literally takes my breath and leaves me in tears. i’ve also somehow lost 11 pounds since the end of may. i’m not really sure how that happened since i’ve been laying around being a big baby, but i definitely won’t argue with it :-).

yesterday was my first day back in the sun since the onset of this whole thing. i LIVE for laying by the pool and being in the sun and water. not being able to be outside has been one of the most torturous things about having shingles. i woke up with a STABBING pain in my back, but with the help of copious amounts of beer, pirate patches, and some good friends, it got better until the end of the day when i was trying to sleep. even then, i was so worn out from the days events that it only woke me up once. after the amazing day i had with my amazing friends, there was nothing that was going to wipe the smile off my face :-).

i need a breathalyzer on my phone. July 6, 2008

or perhaps they could invent an “unsend” function for text messaging? i know what you’re thinking…what if they’ve already read it at like 4:30am when you sent it? dude. you sent it at 4:30am…if they woke up the next morning and it was magically “unsent” perhaps they’d think they read it in a dream? yes. someone get started on that texting function. please and thank you

i now have cramps AND shingles. tmi? don’t care. the shingles are getting better each day, but they’re leaving scars and i have a feeling the nerve pain is here to stay. especially in my poor boob. grrreat! pretty much about once every five minutes it feels like someone is stabbing me in the tit.

day 9 July 3, 2008

still looks like shit. my tan is fading, too. awesome! ambien is my best friend.

late last night/early this morning i had a pretty eye-opening experience in my personal life. i woke up this morning feeling refreshed and like a new gal…well minus the shingles crap. hopefully i’ve eliminated a big source of stress in my life right now, and hopefully with that will come an end to my shingles sooner :-).

i’m going to an outdoor concert on august 1st and i know for a fact i can’t do it if this stuff is still here. sweating right now feels like i’m roasting in hell!

day 8 of anti-viral meds July 2, 2008

again…the parts that look like scabs aren’t actually scabs…it’s just blood trapped in the blisters where i’ve scratched in my sleep (i type sentences like that for the whole world to read and yet i wonder why i’m single?). i have to admit today wasn’t half as bad as the past two or three days. i can’t tell if it’s getting better, or i’m just getting used to the pain. there wasn’t near as much pain in my back as there was in my boob today. that’s always a good time! i’m just really ready to be over this so i can spend the rest of my summer by the pool

day 7 of anti-viral meds July 1, 2008

the parts that look like they’re starting to scab aren’t scabs. it just looks that way because i scratched them in my sleep causing them to bleed under the skin. i forgot how bad vicodin makes me itch. no fun! you don’t even want to know what my poor boob looks like right now :-(. today i’ve been in bed most of the day just trying to rest and let my body kick this. i think my dear friend christie is going to bring by the new john mayer live dvd tonight so that should be fun :-).

not for the weak stomach June 30, 2008

okay so today marks day day six of anti-viral meds for my shingles. i may as well be popping flintstones vitamins because the meds don’t seem to be doing shit. my doctor told me that the anti-viral meds are usually only effective if taken within 72 hours of the onset of a shingles infection. my pain started on a sunday but the rash didn’t start until the wednesday after that so i’m pretty sure i missed that 72 hour window of opportunity. fuck. each morning i wake up with more blisters than i went to bed with, and each night i go to bed with more blisters than i started with at the beginning of the day. i called the doctor today and told her that the rash was worse and that the darvocet wasn’t helping so she called in a prescription for vicodin for me. hopefully that helps….so far, it hasn’t.

okay so now for the nastiness….

this is what i looked like on wednesday morning when i woke up…

not too bad, right?

and this is what i looked like today when i woke up, after six days of anti-viral meds…

and yes, the blisters go all the way around to my breast bone. hot stuff, huh?

i’m still trying to figure out what i did to piss off the universe so badly. if someone told me i could get rid of this by smearing my own feces on my skin, i would. if anyone has any suggestions on ways to get even the tiniest amount of relief from the pain i’m in right now, please don’t hesitate to contact me!

hello internet. long time, no see. June 29, 2008

i’m not really sure why i stopped updating this. i sit here at my computer because it’s pretty much the only thing i can do right now until my pain meds kick in. somehow i managed to end up with shingles. yeah…that awful thing your grandma had last year? i, a healthy 26 year old woman, managed to end up with it, too! i’m still trying to figure out how i pissed off the universe so badly as to end up in this much pain. today has got to be the most painful day so far…it feels like my shingels have shingles. hot stuff, huh? incase you have no clue what the hell i’m talking about, shingles come from the same virus that causes chickenpox when you’re little. once you kick chickenpox’s ass as a child, the virus stays dormant in your central nervous system. that is, until your immune system decides to wuss out and then it attacks a nerve. mine started as SEVERE back pain just to the left of my spine, about bra-strap-high last sunday. i’d been sitting in the floor putting together a scrapbook in a desperate attempt to win a fella back. i spent about two hours sitting in the floor hunched over my little creation, so i thought perhaps my back was killing me from sitting in the floor instead of at the table. i wrote it off as yet one of the many things i can no longer do past the age of 25 (thong panties, check! working all day after an all-nighter, check! sitting in the floor with bad posture instead of sitting up at the table, check!). the pain lasted all night, there was nothing i could do to relieve it. monday came around and it was hurting even more! i spent the majority of my shift monday night conning my co-workers into rubbing my back. i slept layed on a heating pad all night only to be in even more pain on tuesday. i took a mild muscle relaxer…still no relief. got a wonderful massage….STILL no relief. i came home and took a stronger muscle relaxer and hell, i’ll admit it, i even washed it down with a beer…and STILL no relief. by this point the ache in my back was accompanied by this weird tingling/prickly feeling that went in a band around the left side of my torso…from the painful spot near my spine, all the way around my left boob. i wrote it off as just feeling funny from the muscle relaxers and attempted sleep. the next morning i woke up with painful red patches all along the area where i felt tingly the night before…a few of the red patches had tiny little blisters so i went to the doctor where i was told i had shingles. i’d barely even heard of shingles before, and what i had heard didn’t excite me much. the doc had no good news…it was going to get much worse before it gets better, the blisters could stick around for weeks and the pain could stick around for months. oh, and i should stay away from my best friend, who is pregnant, until this all clears up. oh joy! she loaded me up with anti-viral and pain meds and sent me on my way.

i’ve had a lot of down time laying around feeling like i have needles in my skin. basically, i’ve been so stressed out that it affected my body’s ability to defend itself from a virus that’s been dormant in my system for 22 years. i don’t know about you, but to me that SCREAMS that i need to make some changes in my life. now if i could just figure out what those changes are…

i NEED this bathing suit! March 2, 2008

i am in love with this bathing suit from macy’s and i MUST have it. i don’t care that it will cover up my blood, sweat, and tears (ink). however, i do care that it’s a hundred friggin dollars! if anyone knows of a suit like it for cheaper, let me know

or…if you’re feeling mighty generous, or just in the mood to blow a hundred bucks on a gal, i usually wear a size S or XS in bathing suits

heavenly day March 1, 2008

(disclaimer : i first wrote this blog back in november on my myspace page. i love this song so much that i decided to transport the blog to share here, too <3)

i love patty griffin. her voice is unmistakable and her writing is beyond amazing. you may be a fan of patty’s writing and not even know it (i.e. “let him fly” by the dixie chicks). anyways, i first heard the song “heavenly day” at a friend’s wedding over the summer. it was one of those songs that just instantly made you feel good. no, not just good…content…like everything is exactly how it should be, ya know? i hadn’t listened to the song in a while and when i heard it playing on a t.v. show last week i was reminded of its beauty. i’m not a religious person so i never tied the “heavenly” part of it to god. turns out, neither did patty when I looked up the lyrics on her myspace page, this is what I found…

Oh heavenly day,
All the clouds blew away
Got no trouble today, with anyone

The smile on your face, I live only to see
It’s enough for me baby, It’s enough for me
Oh, heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

Tomorrow may rain with sorrow
Here’s a little time we can borrow
Forget all our troubles in these moments so few
Because right now, all that we really have to do
Is have ourselves, a heavenly day
Lay here and watch the trees sway
Can’t see no other way, no way, no way
Oh, heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

No one at my shoulder, bringing me fear
Got no clouds up above me, bringing me tears
Got nothing to tell you, I’ve got nothing much to say
Only I’m glad to be here with you
On this heavenly, heavenly, heavenly day

Heavenly day,
all the trouble gone away
For a while anyway, for a while anyway
Heavenly day, Heavenly day
Heavenly dayPatty Griffin, Children Running Through
© 2007 ATO Records, LLC
(Patty says this is the first real love song that she has ever written, and it is written for her dog, Bean)

when i looked up those lyrics and read the note at the bottom about the song being a love song for her dog, i’m not gonna lie, i teared up a bit. one of my very best friends just lost her pug dog last week and i immediately thought of her. carter pug died very unexpectedly and it’s really made me appreciate my doggies lately. growing up, i was never a dog person. as a matter of fact, i was scared of dogs! if you would have told me 6 years ago the immeasurable amount of happiness that my dogs would bring into my life, i never would have believed it. my dogs have become such an important part of my life. they, like my friends, are my family and i treat them that way. one of my favorite things in the world is waking up a few minutes before they do. margot is usually by my feet or in the crook behind my bent knees. bella is always in her usual spot with her head on the pillow next to mine, her back curled up against my chest, covers pulled up to her chin, just like a little person. it’s the greatest feeling in the world to lay there, if only for a few moments before they realize i’m awake (and oh my god! we get to go outside!), and take in all of that loyal, non-judging, un-conditional, un-wavering puppy love. for that moment each morning i am content. life is exactly how it should be and i wouldn’t trade it for the world <3 i loved the song even before i knew it was inspired by puppy love. when i listen to it my mind takes me to memories of my own “heavenly days”. days of good times with the ones i love. it makes me appreciate just how fortunate i am to have such amazing friends and just how very much in love i am with them <3

you can hear the song for yourself on patty’s myspace page.
xoxo